Actual use of male chastity in a marriage

 I came across this post and asked the author if I could repost the comments here. Not every couple is the same when it comes to male chastity and the use of it. About as vanilla as you can get when it comes to chastity.
 

 **As a disclaimer- this is not kink based, yet a explanation into how/why chastity is used in a "basic" marriage.**

My husband was the one that brought up the idea of using a chastity device. The thought of it was confusing at best. "Why would he want to wear something like that and to top it off, have me keep the only way to get out of it?" Sound familiar? Each book he showed me or website had kink intentions which only questioned his real reasons to want chastity. Once he explained "his reason" it was more acceptable.

He finally explained, he has "masturbation remorse". -The feeling of guilt a man feels immediately after masturbation, brought about by a sense of shame, and regret. Unable to control the need to masturbate again, the cycle continues for some, multiple times a day/every day. This included the feeling of cheating through masturbation, the orgasm provides a sexual release and lesser need to find time for intercourse.

Secondly, the removing the ability to masturbate allows sexual tension to build for him and preform better in bed. Performance has been a issue in the past. The sexual tension was something he also wanted to work on, resulting in some form of teasing. Teasing is not second nature to me, so the only way I feel comfortable use teasing is before a sexual encounter.

He gets much more out of the chastity than I do. He suggest that the orgasm is much stronger and satisfying since implemented. Teasing consist of not letting him out of his device during a sexual encounter, or not having him achieve a orgasm during a sexual encounter (his suggestions). The improvements for myself are a more frequency of sexual encounters, and not having to wash nasty wash cloths. Do I enjoy him in chastity, I can live with it or without it, but things are better for us as a couple and our marriage.

Your husband say that chastity can not be used in a "normal" marriage, with a "vanilla" wife, I disagree. He wants more than just chastity.

A better Mousetrap

I will go through stages where I wonder "is there a better mousetrap" out there?

This seems to be a common thought with those using chastity devices. Much like seeing a new car or electronic device the thoughts are the same with chastity for some. The idea of a "better mousetrap" can help some find a better device and others sink more money into the lifestyle without the results they were hoping to get.

With all devices there is a downfall of some type that isn't a deal breaker but causes us to think that a different device might be better. This has been a battle for me over the years that sent me though the maze of devices. Each time I would think that I would have the better mousetrap and find a shortcoming that would cause me to look again. With the plastic devices I could always pull out, with the silicone I could remove it and replace it completely.

A PA would create a better mousetrap and it did to a point. It did help a great deal with security but the plastic and silicone devices were not designed (at least for me) for longer term wear. A full belt was tried, then I came across my device now (Steelworxx Looker 03).

I have been very happy with my Looker 03 but it as all devices has some things that cause me to wonder if there is a more comfortable device. With all ball trap devices you have the ring at the base, this ring no matter how well designed at some point will cause pressure or poke just right to cause the need for adjustment. This isn't a deal breaker but only a minor discomfort that happens from time to time. This is notices more regularly with tighter pants. The PA hasp will catch now and then or move that needs a adjustment. Once again not a deal breaker, only causes someone like me to wonder "A better mousetrap?"

The tube style devices like Mrs. Lori's tubes have always had me thinking and also the Steelworxx Tube Jacket 2 with the bars at the front to protect the head of the penis. The idea of a device without a base ring sounds like the better mousetrap. Plus with all devices, those that love their devices will praise them and swear there is no better, and those that don't will suggest a different device. So researching reviews can be misleading, or the lack of reviews can sway thoughts away from a device. Like the Steelworxx Tube Jacket 1 and 2, the amounts of reviews are limited but the device might be the "better mousetrap".

Mrs. Lori's #5 tube seems to be the most popular for ring-less designs that men have decided to go permanent with and seal the screw hole for the PA. Any search online will find many pictures and videos of this. With the Mrs. Lori's tubes and Mature Metal "security screws" they are really not anything more than a simple security screw you can get at the hardware store and the bits to fit it can be found at the same places. So the "security" of these devices lack for me, yet the idea of device without a base ring is appealing. A downfall that I have read from reviews is the pulling on the PA that can happen with ring-less devices and cause irritation.

When looking online, the ball trap device is overwhelmingly the most popular design, with and without piercings. All manufactures seem to have more ball trap designs than ring-less designs. Much with a mouse trap, the majority still have a spring bar design in it. Thus even with a mouse trap, the design still seems to stay close to the original for a reason, because it works. But it has been improved on. Much of the reason I picked my device, I went with what was known to work, understanding there could be drawbacks with the base ring.

Coming to the point of my thoughts. I read so many times of men and couples going through the same pains and path that I did years back. Seeing a new device, thinking it is the "better mousetrap", buying and finding that it isn't is a common problem. With the increase of manufactures the choices can be overwhelming. We/I went though ~10 devices and one full steel belt before the Steelworxx Looker 03. Since then it has been used the last 4  years with the results I was hoping for. This is a result more than anything from getting a custom device and really focusing on achieving what was needed from the device in security and comfort.

If anything could be taken from this, I would hope that it would allow others to step back, don't get too excited and hit that "buy button" before thinking a device through. The amount of money that has been spent to find the device that works for me, well just don't want to add it up. And I couldn't say I am also always looking for the "better mousetrap" but with a squinted eye.

Once you know that chastity is something that you want to continue in your life, focus on researching the devices and what you want to get out of it. Don't jump on one because someone said it was the greatest thing ever. All devices will have some downfall and advantages. However, a custom device will always be a "better mousetrap" over the off the shelf devices. And look at the track record of the company. Mrs. Lori's, Steelworxx, Neosteel, Steelworks extreme, Mature Metals, all of these have good track records and use high quality metals in their devices. If the price is cheap-there is a reason.

If anything I hope this might help someone think and find the device that works best for them without spending as much time and money as I did. :)

Comfort - Restraint - Reward

There is a comfort when it comes to chastity. All the thoughts of when and how to orgasm is thrown out the window.

Masturbating makes things so easy, so quick, so uneventful. A quick slip off to the bathroom while everyone is watching a movie, or the kids are out in the back yard playing. Waking up before everyone else in the house before work, getting ready to go to bed after everyone is asleep, these were perfect times for a orgasm. This was the life for me before chastity.

My typical day would include at least 3-5 chances to achieve a orgasm and I would not pass these up. I enjoyed the orgasm, yet it would be a short lived. I would be able to do what I needed to do, but soon my mind was back on the idea of a orgasm and how I could achieve it.

With chastity that is taken away. When locked there is a comfort that I feel not being able to orgasm when "I want" and not knowing exactly when I will be released for a orgasm. The restraint from being able to orgasm and holding off till the time I am unlocked, results in a orgasm greater than I can explain.

The reward of the orgasm allowed me to see how "cheap" my orgasms were before chastity. Now I look forward to my time in my device almost as much as I do my release. Since I do get days out without my device I do masturbate still but just doesn't have the same effect of a orgasm than when being released from chastity.

If it was my choice, I would be in chastity all the time unless released for a orgasm. However, my wife is giving a bit of time out each month where I am free. This does cause me to see how much can be taken away each month when I am back in chastity and unable to orgasm. But I find myself more comfortable in my device and out and missing it when I am free.

When we did a very long lock up (6 month test) I found, once free, that I would reach down and find my device not there and feel lost a bit. The comfort and peace at mind that does come with chastity also effects my body and need to know it is there. I can say, I am a man in chastity that enjoys wearing his device and misses it when it is gone.

How I got to this point.

I always enjoy reading how couples have found their way to the interest they are exploring or living now. I think a lot of time it gives me hope for "more" and lets me appreciate what I have now. Everyone has a path that they follow to get where the are now, I was asked how I found my path....

I have been interested in the kinky lifestyle since I was very young, I found BDSM at a young age and loved the idea, trying the Dominate and submissive side. I have been told I am a natural Dominate and submissive. My heart always finds the submissive side. When I met my wife, I was 50/50 on what way I could go. I knew she was extremely vanilla and the lifestyle would be a challenge for her to accept.

I laid everything on the table before I ever asked her to marry me and she said she would "try". The road was rocky the first years of our marriage with the lifestyle interest. One of the main issues, I didn't have a clue what I really wanted. I would read something or see something on the net and think "OH that's what we should do". Then she would be uncomfortable and I would find "not as good as I thought". We would end up at square one again.

There was a point where she came to me and just asked to stop everything because it was "too much" I agreed because when it came down to it, I didn't know what I wanted and just kept dragging her though it all till I could find want I "needed-to be whole". Other than the lifestyle and my kinky interest our marriage has always been good.

That was around 2000.... in 2002 I found a article on the Miller CB2000 and thought.... "Male Chastity??" After picking one up, a few months of testing I knew it was the thing I needed and wanted all the time I had been searching. We sat down and discussed and she was open to the chastity since it didn't take much effort from her.

There were problems.... The device didn't fit well, I could pull out of it, it chafed and drove me crazy at night. The Curve, CB3000, and Birdlocked was tried over the next few years, trying to find a device that would work. My wife was getting a bit frustrated because I would think things were set and then either the device would have a issue or my body would, trying to deal with the device.

After great discussion in 2008 I ordered a Neosteel sports belt with the hopes to have complete security and be able to wear the belt longer than a few days at a time. The ability to wear the device was there, I could wear it a week with no problem. However, I was able to slip out the side when in the shower with soap and water. This destroyed the security I was hoping to have. Luckily a friend of mine was in love with the belt and almost the same measurements so the cost was not felt. I had all but given up and my wife was pretty much done again because of all the issues. We decided to take a break with the chastity idea.......

I decided a PA was the only way to go for security- after healing and stretching I ended up with a 2 Ga PA. The PA500 was attempted but I found that the plastic hook caused a lot of irritation. After, I was looking at the Mrs. Lori's tubes and found Steelworxx and Mature Metal. I worried about how much stimulation I would have with the Mrs. Lori's tube and pulling on the PA like the PA500 did.

I picked the Steelworxx Looker 03 because of the locking mech and the titanium PA hasp. The day it came in, I put it on and was able to wear it 2 weeks without removing it, with no body adjustment time. I was so excited, I found what I needed for security and able to wear as long as "needed".

So, I introduced the idea back to my wife, she was skeptical because of the issues before and being as vanilla as she was, I had to find ways to make it easy for her. Much of my post before explains the different ideas.

It seems the fit we have now is working well for her and myself. I am usually free about 7-10 days a month and locked the rest each month. Soon as it is that time of the month for her I go in my device and as post state..you get the idea....

If I could give anyone advice on chastity play and just beginning with a vanilla wife...

* Not all people or devices are the same...
* Plan to use the generic devices (one size fits all) as a test
* You can escape from anything without a piercing to hold you in it
* There are no rules in chastity play
* There is no "right" or "wrong" in chastity play
* Take it slow and make it as easy as you can for her
* Less work for the keyholder the better
* Don't expect to get a lot of attention - "you wanted this"
* Realize if you stop and start on "your terms" then your wife might never a comfort zone
* Discuss what each of you feel comfortable with - not when your horny or worked up.

Numbing effect.

As those that read my blog know, we have been searching for a way to cut some/all of the feeling I get when we are having sex. Mainly because, after being locked in my device for periods of time, I become extremely sensitive and able to orgasm very quickly.

The goal at first was to get me where I could go longer before having a orgasm. Once researching, the idea of getting to the point where I "might orgasm" or couldn't orgasm sounds so erotic. If I can't then I would be "denied" and put back in my device till the next chance.

The sleeve didn't work well for us and the Durex condom was suggested with the numbing effect we thought it might work well.

The ultimate goal is to find the balance where my wife can stimulate me as much as she likes (nipples-so forth) and I can go at it as hard as I can with the chances of a orgasm unknown. My ideal goal would be set less than 50/50 more a 80% denied/20% achieved orgasm ratio. As for now, we got the chance last night to try the condom.

Last night was very interesting, after reading different results and how long it takes for the numbing to take effect my wife suggested to start slow and see how things go. So once I had taken care of her, I put the Durex on and we went at it slowly for a short period.

I would say the condom seems thicker than the ones I usually used which was a plus right off the bat. After a short time I noticed less feeling on the head of my penis and my wife began to play with my nipples. We quickly found, even with the condom and numbing, my excitement and her ability to drive me crazy with my nipples had me at the edge. I did last much longer and we discussed putting it on earlier to give the numbing more time to set in. I few reviews suggested placing the condom on early and giving 5-10 mins for full effect.

We are very pleased with the results and we may try some numbing spray or creams later. The next attempt will be in a month after my release again and will see how wearing the condom for a longer period does.

Side note, I know the numbing was working because at one point I stopped to just make sure it was still on because the shaft had started to lose some feeling.

Last night was very interesting, after reading different results and how long it takes for the numbing to take effect my wife suggested to start slow and see how things go. So once I had taken care of her, I put the Durex on and we went at it slowly for a short period.

I would say the condom seems thicker than the ones I usually used which was a plus right off the bat. After a short time I noticed less feeling on the head of my penis and my wife began to play with my nipples. We quickly found, even with the condom and numbing, my excitement and her ability to drive me crazy with my nipples had me at the edge. I did last much longer and we discussed putting it on earlier to give the numbing more time to set in. I few reviews suggested placing the condom on early and giving 5-10 mins for full effect.

We are very pleased with the results and we may try some numbing spray or creams later. The next attempt will be in a month after my release again and will see how wearing the condom for a longer period does.

Side note, I know the numbing was working because at one point I stopped to just make sure it was still on because the shaft had started to lose some feeling.

Last night was very interesting, after reading different results and how long it takes for the numbing to take effect my wife suggested to start slow and see how things go. So once I had taken care of her, I put the Durex on and we went at it slowly for a short period.

I would say the condom seems thicker than the ones I usually used which was a plus right off the bat. After a short time I noticed less feeling on the head of my penis and my wife began to play with my nipples. We quickly found, even with the condom and numbing, my excitement and her ability to drive me crazy with my nipples had me at the edge. I did last much longer and we discussed putting it on earlier to give the numbing more time to set in. I few reviews suggested placing the condom on early and giving 5-10 mins for full effect.

We are very pleased with the results and we may try some numbing spray or creams later. The next attempt will be in a month after my release again and will see how wearing the condom for a longer period does.

Side note, I know the numbing was working because at one point I stopped to just make sure it was still on because the shaft had started to lose some feeling.

Headspace and Chastity

I find that I drift off and even forget about my chastity device at times. I think this is very normal for those that wear the device for longer times than just a few days. There have been times where I actually reached down and tapped the device to make sure it was there. That is one advantage to having a custom device, comfort.....

Yet, when anything brings my mind to a sexual thought, a woman in heels walks by for example, I notice and remember my device so quickly. My mind then is on the chastity, the fact that I can't release any built up sexual tension and the fact I want all of this. My headspace is strongest at night, I will lay in bed and my hand finds my device, I inspect it each time with my hands under the covers and always it is sure to remind me that I "wanted" to be locked away.

When I was in a longer term lockdown (3-6 month run) I found that my mind would not get into the headspace as often as the shorter periods but when it did, I was unable to get my mind turned off very easily causing longer times to get to sleep or more discomfort in my device during the day trying to get myself cooled back off.

I don't think I would enjoy chastity as much if I didn't have those times where my mind shifts and my headspace is strong. I love and hate those times because I do want to release my sexual tension but are unable.

There are so many little things with chastity that I do love so much..

Communicating about kink

One issue I had for years is not communicating in the best way with my wife. Much of the issue was being afraid to just bring up the topic or "how to bring up the topic'. So I would beat around the bush till she was frustrated with me and didn't want to talk about it or I would just not say anything and hope for the best.

I still have the problem of getting online, reading stories, forums, post, blogs and hearing others having such "great success" with something or the wife "loving it so much". I will run out and buy the item or product without really letting my big brain do the thinking.

I have blogged before about a clear penis sleeve that I heard was so "good" and so many just "loved". I went out and bought it, showed it to my wife and she didn't just "turn me down" but she sure wasn't all warm and fuzzy like the forum post talked about. So off we go with me trying it with not much success the first time which I wrote off as inexperience with the toy. Second time we got the chance to use it, things worked out much better, and it was a very interesting event. I couldn't feel a thing, yet I was worked up so much. I couldn't read my wife and tell what she thought about it. After a bit we decided to pull it off and let me finish off. I had time to think about it and read more.

I figured with the second try and we actually trying some positions with it, I would find out what she thought of it. After a few cocktails the other night I decided it was the perfect time because she will be the most honest she would be. Some forum post talk of the wife liking the sleeve so much because it was much bigger and was afraid to be honest with the husband - fearing he would feel bad about his penis size. So I asked her what she thought about the sleeve and decided if she liked it, it would become a regular part and if she didn't, it wouldn't be used again.

She started off by saying she wasn't sure if she really wanted to tell me about how she felt and if I wanted to use it, she was ok with it. I had to pull it out of her and was surprised at the answer. With the way she was talking I was expecting to hear her loving the sleeve and it did more for her than I did. But that didn't happen, she actually said that because of my size and the thickness of the sleeve it was "too big" and she didn't enjoy it. I was a bit surprised when she told me and would rather me put something much thinner on if I wanted to have less stimulation because it was very uncomfortable.

I quickly assured her it was, as always, a idea that I wanted to try and would not be used again. I wanted to experience sex with my wife without any stimulation to myself because I just don't have the ability to hold off that long after being in chastity. So with her blessing I am looking for something that is thicker than a condom but not too thick. That way, she can tease me as she loves to do by playing with my nipples as we have intercourse and I can continue to "go" longer. She knows my hopes are to be so worked up I orgasm even with the simulation to my penis not being there. Yes...another forum post..lol

The search goes on. Trying to think and find anything much thinner.