Headspace and Chastity

I find that I drift off and even forget about my chastity device at times. I think this is very normal for those that wear the device for longer times than just a few days. There have been times where I actually reached down and tapped the device to make sure it was there. That is one advantage to having a custom device, comfort.....

Yet, when anything brings my mind to a sexual thought, a woman in heels walks by for example, I notice and remember my device so quickly. My mind then is on the chastity, the fact that I can't release any built up sexual tension and the fact I want all of this. My headspace is strongest at night, I will lay in bed and my hand finds my device, I inspect it each time with my hands under the covers and always it is sure to remind me that I "wanted" to be locked away.

When I was in a longer term lockdown (3-6 month run) I found that my mind would not get into the headspace as often as the shorter periods but when it did, I was unable to get my mind turned off very easily causing longer times to get to sleep or more discomfort in my device during the day trying to get myself cooled back off.

I don't think I would enjoy chastity as much if I didn't have those times where my mind shifts and my headspace is strong. I love and hate those times because I do want to release my sexual tension but are unable.

There are so many little things with chastity that I do love so much..

Communicating about kink

One issue I had for years is not communicating in the best way with my wife. Much of the issue was being afraid to just bring up the topic or "how to bring up the topic'. So I would beat around the bush till she was frustrated with me and didn't want to talk about it or I would just not say anything and hope for the best.

I still have the problem of getting online, reading stories, forums, post, blogs and hearing others having such "great success" with something or the wife "loving it so much". I will run out and buy the item or product without really letting my big brain do the thinking.

I have blogged before about a clear penis sleeve that I heard was so "good" and so many just "loved". I went out and bought it, showed it to my wife and she didn't just "turn me down" but she sure wasn't all warm and fuzzy like the forum post talked about. So off we go with me trying it with not much success the first time which I wrote off as inexperience with the toy. Second time we got the chance to use it, things worked out much better, and it was a very interesting event. I couldn't feel a thing, yet I was worked up so much. I couldn't read my wife and tell what she thought about it. After a bit we decided to pull it off and let me finish off. I had time to think about it and read more.

I figured with the second try and we actually trying some positions with it, I would find out what she thought of it. After a few cocktails the other night I decided it was the perfect time because she will be the most honest she would be. Some forum post talk of the wife liking the sleeve so much because it was much bigger and was afraid to be honest with the husband - fearing he would feel bad about his penis size. So I asked her what she thought about the sleeve and decided if she liked it, it would become a regular part and if she didn't, it wouldn't be used again.

She started off by saying she wasn't sure if she really wanted to tell me about how she felt and if I wanted to use it, she was ok with it. I had to pull it out of her and was surprised at the answer. With the way she was talking I was expecting to hear her loving the sleeve and it did more for her than I did. But that didn't happen, she actually said that because of my size and the thickness of the sleeve it was "too big" and she didn't enjoy it. I was a bit surprised when she told me and would rather me put something much thinner on if I wanted to have less stimulation because it was very uncomfortable.

I quickly assured her it was, as always, a idea that I wanted to try and would not be used again. I wanted to experience sex with my wife without any stimulation to myself because I just don't have the ability to hold off that long after being in chastity. So with her blessing I am looking for something that is thicker than a condom but not too thick. That way, she can tease me as she loves to do by playing with my nipples as we have intercourse and I can continue to "go" longer. She knows my hopes are to be so worked up I orgasm even with the simulation to my penis not being there. Yes...another forum post..lol

The search goes on. Trying to think and find anything much thinner.

Masturbation / Marriage / Chastity

(Pulled from a fellow blogger with their permission"

""So when does masturbation become a problem in a marriage?
This is the one subject that most people want to know and that is where to draw the line on masturbation and how much self pleasure is too much.  

The answer that I always give both men and women is that, if masturbation is taking away from the sexual relations in the marriage or causing difficulties when trying to make love to a spouse, then it has indeed become a problem in the marriage.
Masturbation should not take over or replace intercourse with a spouse unless there is a medical reason why sex is no longer possible in the marriage. Excessive masturbation will take away from the intimacy and the special bond between husband and wife and can cause a problem in the marriage.

Masturbation like any other form of sexual gratification if done over and over again with a man pleasing himself a certain way or a woman using a vibrator over and over again, can translate into problems in the bedroom.
These are usually the most common problems with excessive masturbation outside of the bedroom. The other problem is taking longer to have an orgasm for a man during intercourse with his wife if he is excessively masturbating. The solution is to minimize the masturbation and begin to find ways in the marriage to have a shared orgasm during love making or masturbate with each other. If this has become a problem and one is not able to stop it on their own then they may need to talk to a professional sex counselor or sex coach to help with some suggestions and tools to get the person back on track. Different exercises or devices can be suggested to aid with the minimization of masturbation. ""

This I found very interesting because the main personal reason I have always had with my interest in chastity was to "minimize" my masturbation habit and the effect it seems to have on my sex life with my wife.

When left to my own demise, I can masturbate on a average 2-3 times a day and up to 4-6 times, each day, every day. This becomes a major issue, my fantasies grow, my need for sexual intercourse drops, and my attention to my wife falls off. It is the easy way out, I can slip into the bathroom or go to bed early, a few minutes later, I have a release..... I have tied most of my sexual issues to my excessive masturbation.  I would need "more" sexually because of the masturbation and request "more" in the bedroom that my wife was comfortable with, relating to my fantasies. This caused sexual friction with my wife and only made bedroom time more uncomfortable, turning me back to masturbation. A ugly cycle.....

I didn't go to a professional sex counselor, I found on a porn search day - years and years back - a story about a guy and a CB2000. Fast forward- 2015- Steelworxx Looker 03- and "I can see clearly now".

The issue was, I couldn't keep my hand out of my own pants, the chastity device does that for me, and yes, I had to go through so many to find one that I could wear with no issues and had the security I needed. If I could get out, I would and masturbate. Now, when I am in chastity, every vibrator or sexual device that I could use to achieve a orgasm is locked up, and I give her the keys.

In some ways I think 'I can't just not masturbate?? How sad is that??" Then I just remember back on the attempts I had trying to make it a few days without masturbating and failing... Luckily I reach down and feel the cage and know I have a "helping hand".

I do feel that excessive masturbation effected my marriage and it took way too long to find the solution that seems to be working for us now. With 20 years under our belt, I have 20 years to make it up to her. Chastity has many faces in my life but one of the larger ones is to stop my masturbation.

Chastity can clear the mind

One thing that I have found over and over when I am in chastity is how much easier it is for me to separate fantasy and reality.

As things are going with our schedule right now, I am usually out ~10 days a month between being released and back into the device. During this time, being free and free willed as I am, masturbation takes a very high place each night. I have always looked at porn, read porn and enjoyed porn, in and out of chastity. The thing that I find interesting is how my mind will grow a fantasy to a exorbitant size with the hopes that it would be reality as I masturbate and the days go by.

Within a few days of being free and enjoying masturbation regularly, I start thinking how that I might get my fantasies brought to the "real world" with my wife. I swear there must be a "false hope enzyme produced when men masturbate. My wife is extremely vanilla but I will start calculating a plan to "this time" get her to try the fantasy.  Chances of this happening---- 0.05% lol

The issue I have, when left 'out" the amount of imagination grows with each day and times I masturbate. Plus when I do masturbate I tend to be focused completely on myself and choose to take care of myself quickly than see if my wife might want to join.

While in chastity, everything swings the opposite way. No masturbation keeps my mind from growing these fantasies and keeps me grounded. I will get worked up, but without the sexual release I have to just hold that sexual energy and it focuses on my wife with the outlook of being released for some "couple time in the bed". Plus when it has been a while, I am not thinking of any fantasy, only the fact that I see those keys and her in the bed at the same time. My focus is completely on her and enjoying the night.

I still look at porn, when in chastity, think of "what if" but know that it wouldn't happen. It allows me to see my reality much clearer, weigh the chances of a fantasy, with less confusion of Fantasy and Reality....

"I see clearly now the chastity is on". lol

Why I wear steel

 Stainless Steel or Plastic?

One thing you notice is the influx of information on devices and the types of materials used. Most all of us start with a cheap plastic device to find out if chastity is all that it is cracked up to be.

I tried many plastic devices trying to find one that would be comfortable to wear more than a few days without rubbing spots, and with real security. A little soap and water and I could slip right out and right back in. No fun in that for me.  I needed security that I couldn't escape from.

Thus came the idea of a PA. The PA would add the security I needed. So I got a 10ga PA, stretched it right away to a 8ga and over a few months worked to a 2ga. Once again, the plastic devices came out and I had no luck with them. Giving them all up I went for the "Gold Ring" of chastity with a Neosteel sports belt. It didn't have any PA attachment but was hoping for the security.

I found that with even the belt I could slip away from the side and get myself out and in. Yes, most would not try as much as I did, spending as much as I did. But, I needed full security. Just a bad "tick" I have, if I can get out, I will...... So luckily a friend couldn't wait to get his hands on the belt so the cost was covered. He didn't care about security as much as the "Look and Feel". So he was happy.

Then, a brainstorm, a stainless steel ball trap device, a hasp-lock through the device locking it all together. Thus the Looker 03 from Steelworxx.... I didn't want a tube design, feeling that it would be like the PA5000 and put pressure on the PA over time when I would get excited. Plus the fact that the ball trap design does keep your mind on it from time to time not like the tube designs.

With the Looker 03, I have the security I needed and wanted. The stainless and titanium are able to be left on for as long as "needed" with just over 103 days being the most I have been in without any release of one time, I knew that it was the device for me.

Usually now, it will be on for a few weeks at a time. With the way we are using the device right now, it works well. Could I go longer, if she was wanting me to? Oh yes, easily and would love to.

I wish that I could have found out about the stainless devices that are custom made earlier and hope that this might bring some thoughts to those getting into chastity or trying to find the right "one-fits-all" device.

SAVE YOUR MONEY>...... pick a good device that you like from a custom builder. Measure, measure again and one last time... Then you will find you will be much happier.

I live in Dallas Texas and picked the Steelworxx devices over the Mature Steel only because Mature Steel uses a basic lock that can be picked easily and the "security screw" well that bit set is bought at Harbor Freight for 2.00... Which I already had a set for my work. Being mechanical I have the tools and thoughts to get out of most devices. The locks on Steelworxx I have tried a few times to pick with no luch being such a different tumbler. So my search was complete, I relaxed and really knew... I got want I wanted.....

Now, If the wife shows more interest, I could be in......... :) GO STEEL AND YOU WILL NOT GO BACK :)

The joy of knowing.

There is such a joy and peace in knowing that I do not have access to my orgasm, when I am first locked up. The first week, I find myself so happy/excited that I don't have any control. It was such a normal night for me to get ready for bed, find a good blog and release myself. Once the device is on, that doesn't happen. I will get ready for bed, smile a bit, tap on the device and roll over for a night of sleep.

I do not really understand the reason I enjoy it so much because I am not really submissive by nature and I don't feel it as much as a submissive act as others. It is giving up control in any view, yes I agree and I am quite happy to give up that control to my wife. Even tho she doesn't look to take that control and use it in any way.

It does connect me a bit more with her, mainly because I can't be selfish and enjoy a quick orgasm without the need for her. After many years of marriage it was much easier for me to just get a "quickie" in the bathroom and crash for the night than fight the idea of getting the kids to bed, waiting up late to make sure they were asleep and then trying to get in the mood.

However, with the device, I am in the mood the whole time and look forward to that night where we stay up late and slip under the covers. So when I see ACCESS DENIED... I smile a bit....

After such a long time in, I thought going back in would be easy.

It seems that my body and sexual drive has surprised me.

I figured that since I had been in my Steelworxx Looker 03 for so long before and having only a short period out, I would slip right back into the "comfort zone" with the device and it not effect me as much as it did before when going on for the first time after being "free". That didn't happen, the sexual excitement and "fighting the cage" was as if I hadn't been in my device for months. This was a pleasant and welcomed feeling because this is much of the mental/sexual struggle I enjoyed/hated.

After discussing with my wife/keyholder she also notices a heightened attention to her and my "tension". With having to find a date night and bedroom night/not same night, before a release, my focus will be on her even more. With "vanilla" life getting busy here and there I can see going a week or two for sure and easily, end up a month or so.

Before everything was on her to find the time and be "in the mood", not only juggle the fact to "let me out or not". This was a problem for her and was part of the frustrations she was having with the situation. Now, everything is on me. She gets the keys each month ( as a minimum) and once I have found a "good" date night, and then scheduled and able to get us a "bedroom night" she will release me. We have already joked that summers will almost always end up with a 3-4 month lock-down because with kids there is no "bedroom time" during the summer around here. Time will tell but years past, it has been that way and usually a good 80-100 day lock down.