How I got to this point.

I always enjoy reading how couples have found their way to the interest they are exploring or living now. I think a lot of time it gives me hope for "more" and lets me appreciate what I have now. Everyone has a path that they follow to get where the are now, I was asked how I found my path....

I have been interested in the kinky lifestyle since I was very young, I found BDSM at a young age and loved the idea, trying the Dominate and submissive side. I have been told I am a natural Dominate and submissive. My heart always finds the submissive side. When I met my wife, I was 50/50 on what way I could go. I knew she was extremely vanilla and the lifestyle would be a challenge for her to accept.

I laid everything on the table before I ever asked her to marry me and she said she would "try". The road was rocky the first years of our marriage with the lifestyle interest. One of the main issues, I didn't have a clue what I really wanted. I would read something or see something on the net and think "OH that's what we should do". Then she would be uncomfortable and I would find "not as good as I thought". We would end up at square one again.

There was a point where she came to me and just asked to stop everything because it was "too much" I agreed because when it came down to it, I didn't know what I wanted and just kept dragging her though it all till I could find want I "needed-to be whole". Other than the lifestyle and my kinky interest our marriage has always been good.

That was around 2000.... in 2002 I found a article on the Miller CB2000 and thought.... "Male Chastity??" After picking one up, a few months of testing I knew it was the thing I needed and wanted all the time I had been searching. We sat down and discussed and she was open to the chastity since it didn't take much effort from her.

There were problems.... The device didn't fit well, I could pull out of it, it chafed and drove me crazy at night. The Curve, CB3000, and Birdlocked was tried over the next few years, trying to find a device that would work. My wife was getting a bit frustrated because I would think things were set and then either the device would have a issue or my body would, trying to deal with the device.

After great discussion in 2008 I ordered a Neosteel sports belt with the hopes to have complete security and be able to wear the belt longer than a few days at a time. The ability to wear the device was there, I could wear it a week with no problem. However, I was able to slip out the side when in the shower with soap and water. This destroyed the security I was hoping to have. Luckily a friend of mine was in love with the belt and almost the same measurements so the cost was not felt. I had all but given up and my wife was pretty much done again because of all the issues. We decided to take a break with the chastity idea.......

I decided a PA was the only way to go for security- after healing and stretching I ended up with a 2 Ga PA. The PA500 was attempted but I found that the plastic hook caused a lot of irritation. After, I was looking at the Mrs. Lori's tubes and found Steelworxx and Mature Metal. I worried about how much stimulation I would have with the Mrs. Lori's tube and pulling on the PA like the PA500 did.

I picked the Steelworxx Looker 03 because of the locking mech and the titanium PA hasp. The day it came in, I put it on and was able to wear it 2 weeks without removing it, with no body adjustment time. I was so excited, I found what I needed for security and able to wear as long as "needed".

So, I introduced the idea back to my wife, she was skeptical because of the issues before and being as vanilla as she was, I had to find ways to make it easy for her. Much of my post before explains the different ideas.

It seems the fit we have now is working well for her and myself. I am usually free about 7-10 days a month and locked the rest each month. Soon as it is that time of the month for her I go in my device and as post state..you get the idea....

If I could give anyone advice on chastity play and just beginning with a vanilla wife...

* Not all people or devices are the same...
* Plan to use the generic devices (one size fits all) as a test
* You can escape from anything without a piercing to hold you in it
* There are no rules in chastity play
* There is no "right" or "wrong" in chastity play
* Take it slow and make it as easy as you can for her
* Less work for the keyholder the better
* Don't expect to get a lot of attention - "you wanted this"
* Realize if you stop and start on "your terms" then your wife might never a comfort zone
* Discuss what each of you feel comfortable with - not when your horny or worked up.

Numbing effect.

As those that read my blog know, we have been searching for a way to cut some/all of the feeling I get when we are having sex. Mainly because, after being locked in my device for periods of time, I become extremely sensitive and able to orgasm very quickly.

The goal at first was to get me where I could go longer before having a orgasm. Once researching, the idea of getting to the point where I "might orgasm" or couldn't orgasm sounds so erotic. If I can't then I would be "denied" and put back in my device till the next chance.

The sleeve didn't work well for us and the Durex condom was suggested with the numbing effect we thought it might work well.

The ultimate goal is to find the balance where my wife can stimulate me as much as she likes (nipples-so forth) and I can go at it as hard as I can with the chances of a orgasm unknown. My ideal goal would be set less than 50/50 more a 80% denied/20% achieved orgasm ratio. As for now, we got the chance last night to try the condom.

Last night was very interesting, after reading different results and how long it takes for the numbing to take effect my wife suggested to start slow and see how things go. So once I had taken care of her, I put the Durex on and we went at it slowly for a short period.

I would say the condom seems thicker than the ones I usually used which was a plus right off the bat. After a short time I noticed less feeling on the head of my penis and my wife began to play with my nipples. We quickly found, even with the condom and numbing, my excitement and her ability to drive me crazy with my nipples had me at the edge. I did last much longer and we discussed putting it on earlier to give the numbing more time to set in. I few reviews suggested placing the condom on early and giving 5-10 mins for full effect.

We are very pleased with the results and we may try some numbing spray or creams later. The next attempt will be in a month after my release again and will see how wearing the condom for a longer period does.

Side note, I know the numbing was working because at one point I stopped to just make sure it was still on because the shaft had started to lose some feeling.

Last night was very interesting, after reading different results and how long it takes for the numbing to take effect my wife suggested to start slow and see how things go. So once I had taken care of her, I put the Durex on and we went at it slowly for a short period.

I would say the condom seems thicker than the ones I usually used which was a plus right off the bat. After a short time I noticed less feeling on the head of my penis and my wife began to play with my nipples. We quickly found, even with the condom and numbing, my excitement and her ability to drive me crazy with my nipples had me at the edge. I did last much longer and we discussed putting it on earlier to give the numbing more time to set in. I few reviews suggested placing the condom on early and giving 5-10 mins for full effect.

We are very pleased with the results and we may try some numbing spray or creams later. The next attempt will be in a month after my release again and will see how wearing the condom for a longer period does.

Side note, I know the numbing was working because at one point I stopped to just make sure it was still on because the shaft had started to lose some feeling.

Last night was very interesting, after reading different results and how long it takes for the numbing to take effect my wife suggested to start slow and see how things go. So once I had taken care of her, I put the Durex on and we went at it slowly for a short period.

I would say the condom seems thicker than the ones I usually used which was a plus right off the bat. After a short time I noticed less feeling on the head of my penis and my wife began to play with my nipples. We quickly found, even with the condom and numbing, my excitement and her ability to drive me crazy with my nipples had me at the edge. I did last much longer and we discussed putting it on earlier to give the numbing more time to set in. I few reviews suggested placing the condom on early and giving 5-10 mins for full effect.

We are very pleased with the results and we may try some numbing spray or creams later. The next attempt will be in a month after my release again and will see how wearing the condom for a longer period does.

Side note, I know the numbing was working because at one point I stopped to just make sure it was still on because the shaft had started to lose some feeling.

Headspace and Chastity

I find that I drift off and even forget about my chastity device at times. I think this is very normal for those that wear the device for longer times than just a few days. There have been times where I actually reached down and tapped the device to make sure it was there. That is one advantage to having a custom device, comfort.....

Yet, when anything brings my mind to a sexual thought, a woman in heels walks by for example, I notice and remember my device so quickly. My mind then is on the chastity, the fact that I can't release any built up sexual tension and the fact I want all of this. My headspace is strongest at night, I will lay in bed and my hand finds my device, I inspect it each time with my hands under the covers and always it is sure to remind me that I "wanted" to be locked away.

When I was in a longer term lockdown (3-6 month run) I found that my mind would not get into the headspace as often as the shorter periods but when it did, I was unable to get my mind turned off very easily causing longer times to get to sleep or more discomfort in my device during the day trying to get myself cooled back off.

I don't think I would enjoy chastity as much if I didn't have those times where my mind shifts and my headspace is strong. I love and hate those times because I do want to release my sexual tension but are unable.

There are so many little things with chastity that I do love so much..

Communicating about kink

One issue I had for years is not communicating in the best way with my wife. Much of the issue was being afraid to just bring up the topic or "how to bring up the topic'. So I would beat around the bush till she was frustrated with me and didn't want to talk about it or I would just not say anything and hope for the best.

I still have the problem of getting online, reading stories, forums, post, blogs and hearing others having such "great success" with something or the wife "loving it so much". I will run out and buy the item or product without really letting my big brain do the thinking.

I have blogged before about a clear penis sleeve that I heard was so "good" and so many just "loved". I went out and bought it, showed it to my wife and she didn't just "turn me down" but she sure wasn't all warm and fuzzy like the forum post talked about. So off we go with me trying it with not much success the first time which I wrote off as inexperience with the toy. Second time we got the chance to use it, things worked out much better, and it was a very interesting event. I couldn't feel a thing, yet I was worked up so much. I couldn't read my wife and tell what she thought about it. After a bit we decided to pull it off and let me finish off. I had time to think about it and read more.

I figured with the second try and we actually trying some positions with it, I would find out what she thought of it. After a few cocktails the other night I decided it was the perfect time because she will be the most honest she would be. Some forum post talk of the wife liking the sleeve so much because it was much bigger and was afraid to be honest with the husband - fearing he would feel bad about his penis size. So I asked her what she thought about the sleeve and decided if she liked it, it would become a regular part and if she didn't, it wouldn't be used again.

She started off by saying she wasn't sure if she really wanted to tell me about how she felt and if I wanted to use it, she was ok with it. I had to pull it out of her and was surprised at the answer. With the way she was talking I was expecting to hear her loving the sleeve and it did more for her than I did. But that didn't happen, she actually said that because of my size and the thickness of the sleeve it was "too big" and she didn't enjoy it. I was a bit surprised when she told me and would rather me put something much thinner on if I wanted to have less stimulation because it was very uncomfortable.

I quickly assured her it was, as always, a idea that I wanted to try and would not be used again. I wanted to experience sex with my wife without any stimulation to myself because I just don't have the ability to hold off that long after being in chastity. So with her blessing I am looking for something that is thicker than a condom but not too thick. That way, she can tease me as she loves to do by playing with my nipples as we have intercourse and I can continue to "go" longer. She knows my hopes are to be so worked up I orgasm even with the simulation to my penis not being there. Yes...another forum post..lol

The search goes on. Trying to think and find anything much thinner.

Masturbation / Marriage / Chastity

(Pulled from a fellow blogger with their permission"

""So when does masturbation become a problem in a marriage?
This is the one subject that most people want to know and that is where to draw the line on masturbation and how much self pleasure is too much.  

The answer that I always give both men and women is that, if masturbation is taking away from the sexual relations in the marriage or causing difficulties when trying to make love to a spouse, then it has indeed become a problem in the marriage.
Masturbation should not take over or replace intercourse with a spouse unless there is a medical reason why sex is no longer possible in the marriage. Excessive masturbation will take away from the intimacy and the special bond between husband and wife and can cause a problem in the marriage.

Masturbation like any other form of sexual gratification if done over and over again with a man pleasing himself a certain way or a woman using a vibrator over and over again, can translate into problems in the bedroom.
These are usually the most common problems with excessive masturbation outside of the bedroom. The other problem is taking longer to have an orgasm for a man during intercourse with his wife if he is excessively masturbating. The solution is to minimize the masturbation and begin to find ways in the marriage to have a shared orgasm during love making or masturbate with each other. If this has become a problem and one is not able to stop it on their own then they may need to talk to a professional sex counselor or sex coach to help with some suggestions and tools to get the person back on track. Different exercises or devices can be suggested to aid with the minimization of masturbation. ""

This I found very interesting because the main personal reason I have always had with my interest in chastity was to "minimize" my masturbation habit and the effect it seems to have on my sex life with my wife.

When left to my own demise, I can masturbate on a average 2-3 times a day and up to 4-6 times, each day, every day. This becomes a major issue, my fantasies grow, my need for sexual intercourse drops, and my attention to my wife falls off. It is the easy way out, I can slip into the bathroom or go to bed early, a few minutes later, I have a release..... I have tied most of my sexual issues to my excessive masturbation.  I would need "more" sexually because of the masturbation and request "more" in the bedroom that my wife was comfortable with, relating to my fantasies. This caused sexual friction with my wife and only made bedroom time more uncomfortable, turning me back to masturbation. A ugly cycle.....

I didn't go to a professional sex counselor, I found on a porn search day - years and years back - a story about a guy and a CB2000. Fast forward- 2015- Steelworxx Looker 03- and "I can see clearly now".

The issue was, I couldn't keep my hand out of my own pants, the chastity device does that for me, and yes, I had to go through so many to find one that I could wear with no issues and had the security I needed. If I could get out, I would and masturbate. Now, when I am in chastity, every vibrator or sexual device that I could use to achieve a orgasm is locked up, and I give her the keys.

In some ways I think 'I can't just not masturbate?? How sad is that??" Then I just remember back on the attempts I had trying to make it a few days without masturbating and failing... Luckily I reach down and feel the cage and know I have a "helping hand".

I do feel that excessive masturbation effected my marriage and it took way too long to find the solution that seems to be working for us now. With 20 years under our belt, I have 20 years to make it up to her. Chastity has many faces in my life but one of the larger ones is to stop my masturbation.

Chastity can clear the mind

One thing that I have found over and over when I am in chastity is how much easier it is for me to separate fantasy and reality.

As things are going with our schedule right now, I am usually out ~10 days a month between being released and back into the device. During this time, being free and free willed as I am, masturbation takes a very high place each night. I have always looked at porn, read porn and enjoyed porn, in and out of chastity. The thing that I find interesting is how my mind will grow a fantasy to a exorbitant size with the hopes that it would be reality as I masturbate and the days go by.

Within a few days of being free and enjoying masturbation regularly, I start thinking how that I might get my fantasies brought to the "real world" with my wife. I swear there must be a "false hope enzyme produced when men masturbate. My wife is extremely vanilla but I will start calculating a plan to "this time" get her to try the fantasy.  Chances of this happening---- 0.05% lol

The issue I have, when left 'out" the amount of imagination grows with each day and times I masturbate. Plus when I do masturbate I tend to be focused completely on myself and choose to take care of myself quickly than see if my wife might want to join.

While in chastity, everything swings the opposite way. No masturbation keeps my mind from growing these fantasies and keeps me grounded. I will get worked up, but without the sexual release I have to just hold that sexual energy and it focuses on my wife with the outlook of being released for some "couple time in the bed". Plus when it has been a while, I am not thinking of any fantasy, only the fact that I see those keys and her in the bed at the same time. My focus is completely on her and enjoying the night.

I still look at porn, when in chastity, think of "what if" but know that it wouldn't happen. It allows me to see my reality much clearer, weigh the chances of a fantasy, with less confusion of Fantasy and Reality....

"I see clearly now the chastity is on". lol

Why I wear steel

 Stainless Steel or Plastic?

One thing you notice is the influx of information on devices and the types of materials used. Most all of us start with a cheap plastic device to find out if chastity is all that it is cracked up to be.

I tried many plastic devices trying to find one that would be comfortable to wear more than a few days without rubbing spots, and with real security. A little soap and water and I could slip right out and right back in. No fun in that for me.  I needed security that I couldn't escape from.

Thus came the idea of a PA. The PA would add the security I needed. So I got a 10ga PA, stretched it right away to a 8ga and over a few months worked to a 2ga. Once again, the plastic devices came out and I had no luck with them. Giving them all up I went for the "Gold Ring" of chastity with a Neosteel sports belt. It didn't have any PA attachment but was hoping for the security.

I found that with even the belt I could slip away from the side and get myself out and in. Yes, most would not try as much as I did, spending as much as I did. But, I needed full security. Just a bad "tick" I have, if I can get out, I will...... So luckily a friend couldn't wait to get his hands on the belt so the cost was covered. He didn't care about security as much as the "Look and Feel". So he was happy.

Then, a brainstorm, a stainless steel ball trap device, a hasp-lock through the device locking it all together. Thus the Looker 03 from Steelworxx.... I didn't want a tube design, feeling that it would be like the PA5000 and put pressure on the PA over time when I would get excited. Plus the fact that the ball trap design does keep your mind on it from time to time not like the tube designs.

With the Looker 03, I have the security I needed and wanted. The stainless and titanium are able to be left on for as long as "needed" with just over 103 days being the most I have been in without any release of one time, I knew that it was the device for me.

Usually now, it will be on for a few weeks at a time. With the way we are using the device right now, it works well. Could I go longer, if she was wanting me to? Oh yes, easily and would love to.

I wish that I could have found out about the stainless devices that are custom made earlier and hope that this might bring some thoughts to those getting into chastity or trying to find the right "one-fits-all" device.

SAVE YOUR MONEY>...... pick a good device that you like from a custom builder. Measure, measure again and one last time... Then you will find you will be much happier.

I live in Dallas Texas and picked the Steelworxx devices over the Mature Steel only because Mature Steel uses a basic lock that can be picked easily and the "security screw" well that bit set is bought at Harbor Freight for 2.00... Which I already had a set for my work. Being mechanical I have the tools and thoughts to get out of most devices. The locks on Steelworxx I have tried a few times to pick with no luch being such a different tumbler. So my search was complete, I relaxed and really knew... I got want I wanted.....

Now, If the wife shows more interest, I could be in......... :) GO STEEL AND YOU WILL NOT GO BACK :)