Saturday, November 9, 2013

How to balance day to day life and the kink a husband has.

Taken from a ("vanilla" female/kinky male couples blog that helps vanilla females with kinky husbands) with their permission.

 A little about us:

My husband and I have been married 24 years and I have always loved him and he loves me. He has always been kinky and wanting to do kinky things. He has always wanted to do those things with me involved. I am not very kinky at all or sexually driven like he is. We have three children, one in college, and two in high school. We both work a 9-5, neither of us like to cook or clean. We do split things 50/50.

Over they years my husband has tried to involve me in some kink or another that he was interested in at the time. His interest would change with the seasons. He being my husband and lover I would try to be involved as much as I could but just never could understand many of the interest. One of the major hangups I would have was, I couldn't see my husband in the way he wanted many times with his kink. I can not see my husband as a puppy or pony, I saw my husband dressed in some funny outfit acting like a fool.

The friction between his need for a kink and mine having no interest in them came to a impasse. He encouraged seeking out a marriage/sex counselor for assistance in our marriage. "Cut to the chase" my husband came to the realization the majority of his interest would never work in our marriage and I understood that there would be some kink in our marriage that we could "agree on". As all counselors say, "communication" is needed.

The agreement we settled on with the counselor incorporated his necessity for power-exchange and a simplistic way for me to be involved where I could be enthusiastic toward it all. We agreed the "event" would last no longer than a week and would only happen once a month around the 1st of the month.

My husband wanted a power-exchange with aspects of his interest integrated in. His need for a outward showing of his status would be a wrist ring, not a thick dog collar, the need for power-exchange suggested and agreed on would be a plastic chastity device, and the servant need would be embraced with taking over all the chores around the house he could handle (terrible cook).

My collaboration allowed the ability to relax and find enjoyment in this "event". I take possession of the keys to the locks on his wrist ring and chastity device. I know the end date, allowing myself to make provisions to free the night and introspectively prepare for a sexual encounter. I am free of the chores he has taken during this time.

Each situation will be different with the dynamic of the relationship but if you are reading this, there is a good chance the one thing in common is a kinky husband. 


I thought this post and many in the blog interesting. I find that there can be a happy medium if both parties are willing to give some and also willing to discuss the options. If not, they always say if you can't get milk from the cow you can go to the store and buy some... But that isn't healthy for any marriage.


  1. I agree that communication is the key to a successful marriage. I don't fully understand why it is so difficult, but it is, and it's the most challenging part of our marriage.

    I went to a counselor during a tough time for our marriage. One thing he really impressed onto me is that everyone wants to be loved and accepted and nobody wants to be hated and rejected. It's fundamental to the human condition, as we are social creatures. This is magnified by the most significant relationship in our lives, that with our spouses. I went for a long time wanting to be more adventurous in our sex life and was rejected. I was inwardly bitter. Perhaps due to some divine intervention, I fell onto the concept of submitting to her, told her my desires, and she agreed to give it a try. It's been a long journey. In the final analysis, her participation in activities that may seem cruel to vanilla types make me feel loved and accepted. It demonstrates that she understands and accepts me. Best of all, she seems to enjoy it too.

  2. Thank you for your reply and I am so happy that thinks have worked out for you. Thank you again for the wonderful comment.