Mental notes - new and pretty much the way it will be - routine.

One thing that I find difficult more than any other thing is "not talking about chastity" with my wife. I of course love the idea and even more when I am in it. She on the other hand wants me to " not talk about it" thus testing my ability to control my mouth. When I do talk about my chastity it ends up keeping me in longer.

So the routine now is a bit more simple for my wife to deal with. As I stated before, when it is "that time of the month" she text me letting me know. Soon as I get home I put the device on, give her all the keys and the journey begins. This is a double whammy. I deal with the 'getting use to the device" period as she deals with her period. Also, I having the device on, reminds me of her issues she is having to deal with, thus keeping me at a better state to not be a ass while she isn't feeling good.

Once she begins to feel better then when she then "feels in the mood" and only then will I be released. When out of chastity I always initiate intercourse, I am not allowed to suggest when in chastity. Also the catch for her is, when she does feel in the mood, she will be the initiator and be more aggressive in bed.  She isn't aggressive in bed but will take charge on these nights. I have took a set of very high black heels also and added spikes to the back as many have seen people do with heels. She will wear those heels so that the spikes will find my flesh. The thought excites me greatly.

Once released and the night is over, the vanilla life comes back and not till it is her time of the month again will the device be on. This allows her a easy way to initiate the lock down and the unknown when I will be released works great with my mental state. I have had a minimum of 3 days but as she and I discussed it could easily be months if she just doesn't find the mood to be Dom before having her period again.

I know everyone out there has a different way to use chastity in their life and I am happy to say I think we found something that will bring her into a more comfortable state using the chastity on me and now I just have to decide... Keep my mouth shut and have a better chance to get out.. or keep talking and never see the end again..lol

How to balance day to day life and the kink a husband has.

Taken from a ("vanilla" female/kinky male couples blog that helps vanilla females with kinky husbands) with their permission.
_________________________________________________________________________

 A little about us:

My husband and I have been married 24 years and I have always loved him and he loves me. He has always been kinky and wanting to do kinky things. He has always wanted to do those things with me involved. I am not very kinky at all or sexually driven like he is. We have three children, one in college, and two in high school. We both work a 9-5, neither of us like to cook or clean. We do split things 50/50.

Over they years my husband has tried to involve me in some kink or another that he was interested in at the time. His interest would change with the seasons. He being my husband and lover I would try to be involved as much as I could but just never could understand many of the interest. One of the major hangups I would have was, I couldn't see my husband in the way he wanted many times with his kink. I can not see my husband as a puppy or pony, I saw my husband dressed in some funny outfit acting like a fool.

The friction between his need for a kink and mine having no interest in them came to a impasse. He encouraged seeking out a marriage/sex counselor for assistance in our marriage. "Cut to the chase" my husband came to the realization the majority of his interest would never work in our marriage and I understood that there would be some kink in our marriage that we could "agree on". As all counselors say, "communication" is needed.

The agreement we settled on with the counselor incorporated his necessity for power-exchange and a simplistic way for me to be involved where I could be enthusiastic toward it all. We agreed the "event" would last no longer than a week and would only happen once a month around the 1st of the month.

My husband wanted a power-exchange with aspects of his interest integrated in. His need for a outward showing of his status would be a wrist ring, not a thick dog collar, the need for power-exchange suggested and agreed on would be a plastic chastity device, and the servant need would be embraced with taking over all the chores around the house he could handle (terrible cook).

My collaboration allowed the ability to relax and find enjoyment in this "event". I take possession of the keys to the locks on his wrist ring and chastity device. I know the end date, allowing myself to make provisions to free the night and introspectively prepare for a sexual encounter. I am free of the chores he has taken during this time.

Each situation will be different with the dynamic of the relationship but if you are reading this, there is a good chance the one thing in common is a kinky husband. 

_________________________________________________________________

I thought this post and many in the blog interesting. I find that there can be a happy medium if both parties are willing to give some and also willing to discuss the options. If not, they always say if you can't get milk from the cow you can go to the store and buy some... But that isn't healthy for any marriage.

When it gets cold.

These are stainless steel ice cubes you can buy.

Funny how when the weather drops the temp below 35 F that the stainless cage begins to feel like this as the wind hits the cage through my jeans. LOL.

Today was one of those days that the wind cut right through my clothing and after 2 hours outside the cage and ring was about the same temp. Yet another friendly reminder of my situation. Wouldn't have it any other way. :)

When the mood hits

One thing that has always interested me was the sexual mood of females. Men do not have the same sexual moods as females. I in fact believe we are always in a sexual mood. I saw this and was surprised to see it as a card that I could pick from the main page. It made me giggle to myself thinking of how many people wondered "whats up with the keys".... lol

male-mars female-venus - balancing the planets

 

 A blog I read gave this post and I thought it was a good bit of info.

------------------------------------------------------------------
Generally, men are sexually driven. Men can become easily aroused and wish to achieve sexual gratification. If unable to accomplish gratification with the significant other he will search for alternative means, commonly masturbation. In marriage or long term relationships, excessive masturbation can cause a lack of intimacy and be unhealthy for the relationship.

Females commonly are not sexually driven. Most females do not become easily aroused and want to achieve sexual gratification. The common saying, "need to get in the mood" is used to allow the mental shift a female needs to become sexually aroused and want to achieve sexual gratification.

A balance is required for sexual intimacy and a health relationship. To achieve this; the males wish to achieve sexual gratification needs to be curbed and time for the mental shift of the female must be met. Accomplishing this will bring intimacy  back and create a better relationship.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

I find this very true for myself. With the day to day life I will choose masturbation over "bothering" my wife for sex. The problem I have, I will masturbate every day and multiple times if aroused enough. With chastity involved I find myself "happy" to wait till we have time for intimate pleasures together.

The sexual idea of chastity will spark a arousal still but being in the device, I just sit back and enjoy the wait now. I find that I do think more about my wife's feelings and needs because I am not worried about mine. I feel masturbation causes me to be more self centered.

My interest in the the fetish and chastity lifestyle has been a roller coaster from hell. Finally the ride comes to a stop with my interested being; my wife dressed in a simple white blouse, black slacks and heels out on a date with me. Myself in my chastity device and having to wait till we have "time" for our sexual encounters. My wife knowing I have made the choice to be in the device till we have "time" and not worrying about anything, other to enjoy our new found intimacy and build our relationship stronger.

Funny how a simple device can curb sexual fantasies, needs, wants and simplify all that bringing the focus back to the one person I want the focus to be on in the beginning, my loving wife...

Well the summer is over, school is back in.... and So am I...

The device did find it's way on and off but with the heat and family events all summer it was impossible for us to have any time or even any enjoyment of the device being on. She suggested to hold off till school starts and then work our way back in to things.

The idea she came up with right now is for me to just wear the device while it is "that time of the month" --- (with a catch) till she is interested in having intercourse. This maybe shortly after things clear up or it could be... well as she said... "who knows when a girl will want some intercourse".

I will not get unlocked or have any keys of any type this time. Usually I have a emergency key but we decided that if it got to that point that I needed the key, she could come unlock me. If it was a accident, they are not going to look for a "key" in my wallet.

I have such a dominate personality 95% of my life, yet when my wife comes into the picture, I melt.... I know also that I feel so much better with her having some control over me. This will be a fun/rough "getting back in the saddle"

Play has been interesting.

Been a while since I posted. Summers are always hard for us with the little ones around all the time and just no time to do much. Vacations put us on planes and with all the traveling going on the device has been on the shelf for a while. I am looking forward to the winter months for sure.

One thing we have agreed on completely is that she wants more sex including intercourse with me. Which is cause be me wearing the device more. So the agreement will be soon as the schools open back up I will go back in and only get out for sex when she wants, wearing the device 24/7 through the kids school year. Once the summer comes again we will figure if I will continue to wear or break like we have now.

Wife hasn't got to wear my favorite outfit for me because of the little "knocks' on the door... lol ... So ready for fall....

Device always wins.

It is true that when the device is on and the energy level is high the amount of energy overflows onto the blog. With the amount of travel I have been doing there was no way to be able to wear my device for long periods of time to get the full effect of the device for us. I am able to put the device on and wear it 24/7 for months at a time and yes after the first day or two I am worked up greatly. But after 7 days, it is just like wearing a pair of underwear.

The advantage, when I want to have a sexual release I can't. That's when the device does the job. For myself it takes a good month or so in for my submissive side to give in and I want a orgasm. So that's the main reason the device has been pretty much "on the shelf" for now.

With the summer here the challenge has increased with little ones running at our feet. The plan is to reinstated the device for a good long period once my season slows down and school is back in (which is exactly the same time). The possible idea is "wait till Xmas till opening" which will be a 4 month run.

Tumblr has been keeping a lot of my time too but I plan to blog more again, specially on the mental side of chastity.

Random thoughts.

I have been so busy with work lately I haven't been able to think straight. Now I sit here thinking about what makes me tick sexually.

I have found that one thing I have really been "wanting", "needing", "yearning for" is a collar locked around my neck with the ability to wear it long term. My collar of choice at this time is the Wyred Collar in 316 stainless 4-9mm thickness. I am also wanting a tag on that collar but I am not sure what to put on the tag. My SR#? a symbol, a saying?

I have been in and out of my device and more out than in because of work. We are both hoping to get things back in line soon.

Thus my ability to blog will increase again.

Time... thought.. Chastity.. pondering

For as long as I can remember I have wanted my wife to have some control over me. Once I found chastity I knew that was the thing. I dreamed of the day where she would have the keys and I would be locked with her holding the keys. Those days have finally came......

How I found myself excited for each day I as in the device, counting the days and looking forward to the days to come in the device. Yes, my interest do lean toward more a "permanent chastity" vs "short term". Yet I find myself not as worried or even paying attention to the day totals anymore. My wife has the keys, I am locked, the device is almost a second part of my body now.

Mentally, that is the interest now for me. I find myself wondering, wondering if there is something I should be doing to make this more exciting to myself or my wife. Pondering if I become bored with the device what I could do. The large point I made to my wife was to "stick to the plan" and not allow me out anytime earlier than our planned date. I find myself easy to get bored when not stimulated all the time.

I knew going into this that my wife would not be one that would go out of her way in any fashion to tease me or keep my interest in the chastity. This I knew and wanted to feel what it is like to want out of the device and not be able to get out. I want to really feel the loss of control, the loss of decisions, the true feeling of submission and wade in it.

I find myself looking to that now, wondering how I will handle it. I do believe I will handle it well, I am not one that tries to sneak a orgasm, nor once I know I can't get out, try to sneak the keys. (I have made sure that isn't a easy task also). I do wish there were some consequences if I did attempt anything like that but I sit back and know I would never attempt anything like that in the first place.

After about 7-10 days the device starts to become part of my body, I adapt to it and how to deal with all the aspects of life with it. Soon after that, I can almost forget the device at times. This is the point I worry about. Forgetting about the device can also cause me to forget about my "place" and how I should act to my wife. I wonder if this happens to others in Long Term Chastity?

Specially with a wife like mine that isn't kinky, the reminders of my situation with teasing or direct stimulation does not happen with her. So, I have seen myself act out, where I didn't earlier when the device was so easy to remember. As the chastity goes on I wonder, does the effect of the orgasm denial take over the feeling of the device to remind me of my place?

Is this something normal to those in long term chastity or is there something more to come?

Time and chastity.

I find myself noticing when I haven't been thinking about chastity more than when I am thinking of chastity. Having a device on with such a long date away, I notice that it is easier and more comfortable now than it was 5 days ago.

There will be a point where the comfort level stops and just becomes what I expect to feel. The mental side of it will not go away I feel. I think of chastity and what it means to  me every day, hundreds of times a day. I also think of what it might mean for my wife and only can guess how her feelings really are.

The reason being, I find that the less I speak with her about it the more comfortable she comes with it. I did find with time that my fantasies about chastity changed to the point now I keep asking myself..... "What do I really want HER to do with the chastity?"

For years the fantasies would have her teasing me, having me beg to have the cage off and her keeping me in denial. Yet when the fantasy becomes reality I find that I am happy to be in the device, and I am just happy she isn't telling me she wants it off me. Teasing for me is when I get to bring her to a orgasm orally or with a vibrator and get to hear and see her orgasm. Right after she is quick to enjoy the fact that there is nothing for me and she back to her own things quickly. Denial for her is just flat denial of any attention to my state and teasing me in any way.

She can shift moods and thoughts so quickly now and I find because of not getting to orgasm I do not. I do like that feeling and just the thought of it test my cage right now. I seem to feel like chastity is almost like sporting seasons for a man. When it is football season all we want to discuss is the teams, trades, outlook of the game so on and so forth each day and every chance we can. With me in chastity I feel the same way with my situation, "wanting" to talk about it, how it feels to me, what she might want to do, so forth and so on..... Yet, it isn't that easy nor do I think she would want to discuss much. So what do I have the most of..... TIME.......

Time is a good thing and bad thing in chastity, in a breath I look at the calendar and smile knowing I have 12 more weeks in my device without a release. But I also look at the 12 weeks and know I will be at a point where I will want to be out, will want a orgasm, will really want to know what she things and will want to test her control and feelings of being a keyholder. Time causes me to worry that when that time comes she will fold and give up the keys. I hope at that point she will not, she will "require" me to complete what I promised to her.

I do believe this will be the final stage of chastity that will make it completely real for me. Right now I still feel I have some control over it, and for me that is exactly what I DON"T want. I have told her before I "want" her to "want me in chastity". To explain that and try to get that point across I haven't been able to figure out how to put that out for her.

There are many aspects of chastity and reasons it is good and bad for couples. I am hoping by the time that I have hit the "I want out" stage, she will have decided that "nope, you stay" and that will be the magic day. I know once I hear that from her, my submissive side will be complete. I might not like the answer, nor would I like it if she decided to skip the May 30 date and just keep going to Sept 30 but I would in my heart "love it" knowing she is taking control....

Time is a wonderful and terrible thing, leave me alone with too much time, the mind wanders!!!!

Waiting on the shift of emotions.

For me, chastity has been such a fantasy and 'need" that I am so happy to be in chastity that there is no "want to be out".

One of the big reasons the 15 weeks till the next release idea came from some post I read about how it takes time for the body and mind to shift out of the "I'm in chastity, happy happy, joy joy" to the "I want out of chastity and feel my wife"..... I have not had that feeling very strong yet.

Even tho I went 87 days with the dice game the fact that the longer term chastity was new to my wife and when the rolls would show more time, I was more worried about her feelings and that she would let me out early if I showed any thoughts of "wanting out". This time, with the length being so long I am hoping to feel that "need" to be out as much as that "joy" of being in. The only thing I asked of my wife was to not let me out early.

One of the hardest things I find I have to do also is, "think about not talking about" the chastity with my wife. Her being vanilla I found when I didn't talk about it and was in the 87 days she was more interested in making comments herself and joking about it. Before when I would try chastity (and failed) it seemed that she was put back and I think it was because I would discuss it too much with her.

Only being 2 weeks in, 13 to go, I will learn my tongue and place this time. I would have never thought of this length of time before, yet now I feel it is the best thing for me to learn all aspects of chastity and what it means to wear a device for your soul mate.

Her time.

One thing that has been being discussed in some of the groups I am in are the ways that the chaste serves his wife/keyholder without having a orgasm.

I couldn't quite figure this out at first then I found that they were released for intercourse with expectations not to orgasm. That is a very interesting thought and many ways to insure no accidental orgasm was discussed. I thought of the mental side of this and how it would play on the mind.

For me, it is simple, once the keys are put away they do not come back out for any reason other than medical or metal detectors till my release date. My wife has always preferred oral stimulation or the uses of a vibrator over intercourse for her orgasm.  When we would have sex I would always go down on her first to insure her orgasm before we ever had intercourse, now it is much easier for her being able to enjoy her orgasm then not worry about any mess after.

I have always loved giving her a orgasm before mine and with the chastity it just keeps me very horny for a long time. Each time I bring her to a orgasm, it usually takes about 3 hours for me to go to sleep after because of being so worked up. I do feed off her sounds and body movements as she has her orgasm.

Chastity as a way of life.

For so many years and in fact all the years of my marriage I have always wanted to "serve" my wife in many ways but the restraints of her vanilla side has always caused road blocks. Because of this I would always try to shift gears and find a different interest that she might "enjoy" and we could soon be working our way into the lifestyle.

Years went by of this and all it really did was cause more stress in our sex life. Once I found chastity I knew it was the key thing that would give the control to my wife that I wanted to release and would give her the ability to have the control with little effort.

Years of frustration and money dumped into device after device only caused me to get more frustrated about the situation. Finally with the device now I have, I can honestly say I have found a device I can not defeat, nor pull off and can wear as long as required.

My mental state shifts when in my chastity device, I feel I do not have the roller coaster ride of emotions I usually have and my wife even has pointed that out also. With this was one of the many reasons I wanted to go longer term in the device.

I was asked how kinky things are now since I am in chastity and for us it isn't about the "sex" now, it is about a way of life now. I feel better, she likes the results with me and it doesn't change how I treat her yet she does point out that I seem to be taking care of her more than when released. My mind is on her more and I do think of how I can help her when I can. Thus the servant part of me gets to be out.

Much of the stress between us seems to melt away when I am in the chastity device because she also knows that "just a kiss" doesn't turn into me humping her leg wanting sex. She  can cuddle, we can kiss, and she knows I will not advance.When she wants more, she lets me know... And it is all about her now which I enjoy as much as she does.

This comes to the point that a local Dom discussed with me, I could easily end up staying in chastity and wouldn't have a problem long as my wife wanted it. My need is high but my need for her acceptance is higher....

The new journey begins.

So 2013 is decided and the chapter has been written. 

After dinner I presented my wife with the idea of the three releases and the dates that could be used. She was very happy with the idea and loved the fact that we didn't rely on some dice game or reward system. 

She pointed out that being a set amount of time it will take away from the focus on the device and put the focus on the "situation" more that the device. If normal life gets in the way we will modify the dates by pushing them back to the next Thursday (Usually a good free night for us).

So since being locked in on Feb 14th, my first release date will be May 30th. This will be ~106 days. The next release will be our Anniversary on Sept 26th and that is it for 2013. 

As for 2014 on Jan 30th (My Birthday) she will have a "special" release for me and once we have reached that we will discuss our future plans with the chastity. Will we increase, decrease releases?

All keys have been locked away, she has agreed that I am not allowed to "quit" since this was my idea and I have to follow through. 

Before thinking too much on it, there will be exceptions if needed for Doctor visits, metal detectors, things like that. But she will be with me and soon as in the clear, back in I go. I am very surprised how happy my wife was with the idea and also how "at peace" I am with it also. 

 

Got suckered in...

Just a note.. if the comments start going away from the point of the post, I am done trying to "convince" anyone. Just going to delete the comment and go on.

Noticed I got caught up trying to justify and just not going to play that game.....

The beauty of chastity in a loving relationship

I have always loved my wife with all my heart and I have also had a bit of a submissive side. My wife has never had any interest in the D/s lifestyle yet I find it very interesting. I have always wanted to give my wife "more" than just my heart and soul without being her "slave or submissive".

I have also felt that masturbating at times was almost cheating on her because I could masturbate and find that my interest in her needs subside with the orgasm. This has always bothered me over the years. When I found the idea of chastity I was drawn so strongly to it. Yet the ability to escape was too easy. Till of course the device I have now.

With this device and the fact that I can wear it long periods (just not through metal detectors) it has given me hope to truly give my wife more. I am able to be "controlled" or better put "taken the ability away" with my orgasm. This will also allow complete focus on her orgasm throughout the year. Only a few times will my orgasm come into play.

I would say why I want to do this is my undying devotion to my wife and to show her that I am willing to remove one of the most common things a man can do to show that to her. Also, it is a bonus that is pretty much insures no way to cheat with another woman... lol

I did not think it was possible to have chastity in a relationship without some part of a D/s relationship yet after talking with so many couples that call it "vanilla chastity" I have found new hope. Many use chastity in different ways but the end result is the devotion to their wife and show of love.

The wheels grind away....

I sit here thinking....

My wife and I use chastity because "I want chastity" not because she does. She plays along, and now and then will surprise me. Yet, like last night she talked about how she doesn't mind it at all but doesn't want to make it "Some domination,submission game".

She told me she can tell a real difference when I am in chastity how I am more aware of her and her needs. Yet she doesn't want the chastity to dictate the way I act, however it does.

So we discussed this a while and still didn't come up with a good plan for how the chastity would work for us. For me, I really can't have access to the keys easily because I will get weak and use them. Yet she is not a strong keyholder that really wants the keys. It's more of a "can take it or leave it" with her. She mainly does some stuff for me more than anything.

The task she gave me was to come up with a way that she can be the keyholder with minimum requirements. She doesn't want a reward game, or anything like that. So the idea is a bit tough. She told me the dice game was just "corny".

Been thinking how to come up with something that would work for her, give a good amount of control to her, yet be as easy as it can get......

So the idea I have right now, really puts me on the spot, yet is very easy for her.

** We have three dates that mean a lot to us that are spread out thru the year. These dates actually have a average of no less than 105 days apart and up to 120. If I use these three dates for actual releases the time between releases are simple. The catch is, that's longer than I have ever been and I will go that time three times before next January........  I have thought of two pegging dates to be added possibly (without device removal of course).

The device will remain on for all times unless work requires removal (metal detector), Doctor visit, sports game or travel with family. Other than that the device will stay on with no removal. **

Now, the question is, do I have the bravery to offer this idea up and know that I will only be allowed 3 releases in 2013??????

How the mind shifts quickly.

Over the period of time I have been "free" I found myself not actually interested in getting online and reading or posting. I would be more wrapped up in taking any free time and using that to come up with fantasies and masturbate. During this time I found myself as usual, not as interested in sex because I could easily get my pleasure with a few minutes alone.

Switch to now and I find myself wanting to find ways to get my wife to let me please her sexually so that I can her her orgasm.  I know she would not let me out for any sex during this time nor would I want too.

This really shows that my need to have control over my sexuality not only makes me more aware of my wife's needs but also has me wanting to fill her needs as I can.

I think at times that I would love to open up and tell her to make it a "year in chastity" but I also fear that as much as I want it......

back in the saddle again.

Well after being in and out for the last month or so, I suggested something longer term.

Every Valentines day I suggest something "special" for my gift and it not costing any money. I always suggest something special in the bedroom. This time she surprised me with something special I wouldn't have guessed. But as you can guess.....

I came in the room, she was all "dolled" up and I went o taking care of her. Once done she reached beside the bed and pulled out my bag, I knew what was in it but didn't think she would do it. I was excited and frustrated (just as I have always wanted to be). After getting my device on she let me know that I could get comfortable in it because I would be in it for a while.

What a Valentines day to remember!

Guess my nights will be free to blog again now...lol

Been a busy few weeks.

Vanilla life has kept us so busy  that we haven't even thought of a lockup time yet. However today there was a comment that "I have been free too long" so I see it in my future. As she said before she would like to extend my time in the device longer the next time. Since the last time was just at 3 months I am nervous yet excited what the next one will bring..

Or should I say ... withhold...

Vacation and free

As the holidays came around so did my freedom. Dec 13th was the day putting my complete time in around 3 months straight. It ended with a ruined orgasm which was what the dice decided. We discussed the idea of being out of the device for some time because of the travel needed for the holidays and my wife wanted my freedom so I didn't want to press.

Now that our vacation and travels are over, we are looking into the next lockup and how long it will be. We have discussed if the need of the dice are needed or we start at a month and go from there.

Till the time has been decided my wife wants me to say unlocked just to enjoy the time because the next lock up could be longer.....