Masturbation / Marriage / Chastity

(Pulled from a fellow blogger with their permission"

""So when does masturbation become a problem in a marriage?
This is the one subject that most people want to know and that is where to draw the line on masturbation and how much self pleasure is too much.  

The answer that I always give both men and women is that, if masturbation is taking away from the sexual relations in the marriage or causing difficulties when trying to make love to a spouse, then it has indeed become a problem in the marriage.
Masturbation should not take over or replace intercourse with a spouse unless there is a medical reason why sex is no longer possible in the marriage. Excessive masturbation will take away from the intimacy and the special bond between husband and wife and can cause a problem in the marriage.

Masturbation like any other form of sexual gratification if done over and over again with a man pleasing himself a certain way or a woman using a vibrator over and over again, can translate into problems in the bedroom.
These are usually the most common problems with excessive masturbation outside of the bedroom. The other problem is taking longer to have an orgasm for a man during intercourse with his wife if he is excessively masturbating. The solution is to minimize the masturbation and begin to find ways in the marriage to have a shared orgasm during love making or masturbate with each other. If this has become a problem and one is not able to stop it on their own then they may need to talk to a professional sex counselor or sex coach to help with some suggestions and tools to get the person back on track. Different exercises or devices can be suggested to aid with the minimization of masturbation. ""

This I found very interesting because the main personal reason I have always had with my interest in chastity was to "minimize" my masturbation habit and the effect it seems to have on my sex life with my wife.

When left to my own demise, I can masturbate on a average 2-3 times a day and up to 4-6 times, each day, every day. This becomes a major issue, my fantasies grow, my need for sexual intercourse drops, and my attention to my wife falls off. It is the easy way out, I can slip into the bathroom or go to bed early, a few minutes later, I have a release..... I have tied most of my sexual issues to my excessive masturbation.  I would need "more" sexually because of the masturbation and request "more" in the bedroom that my wife was comfortable with, relating to my fantasies. This caused sexual friction with my wife and only made bedroom time more uncomfortable, turning me back to masturbation. A ugly cycle.....

I didn't go to a professional sex counselor, I found on a porn search day - years and years back - a story about a guy and a CB2000. Fast forward- 2015- Steelworxx Looker 03- and "I can see clearly now".

The issue was, I couldn't keep my hand out of my own pants, the chastity device does that for me, and yes, I had to go through so many to find one that I could wear with no issues and had the security I needed. If I could get out, I would and masturbate. Now, when I am in chastity, every vibrator or sexual device that I could use to achieve a orgasm is locked up, and I give her the keys.

In some ways I think 'I can't just not masturbate?? How sad is that??" Then I just remember back on the attempts I had trying to make it a few days without masturbating and failing... Luckily I reach down and feel the cage and know I have a "helping hand".

I do feel that excessive masturbation effected my marriage and it took way too long to find the solution that seems to be working for us now. With 20 years under our belt, I have 20 years to make it up to her. Chastity has many faces in my life but one of the larger ones is to stop my masturbation.

Chastity can clear the mind

One thing that I have found over and over when I am in chastity is how much easier it is for me to separate fantasy and reality.

As things are going with our schedule right now, I am usually out ~10 days a month between being released and back into the device. During this time, being free and free willed as I am, masturbation takes a very high place each night. I have always looked at porn, read porn and enjoyed porn, in and out of chastity. The thing that I find interesting is how my mind will grow a fantasy to a exorbitant size with the hopes that it would be reality as I masturbate and the days go by.

Within a few days of being free and enjoying masturbation regularly, I start thinking how that I might get my fantasies brought to the "real world" with my wife. I swear there must be a "false hope enzyme produced when men masturbate. My wife is extremely vanilla but I will start calculating a plan to "this time" get her to try the fantasy.  Chances of this happening---- 0.05% lol

The issue I have, when left 'out" the amount of imagination grows with each day and times I masturbate. Plus when I do masturbate I tend to be focused completely on myself and choose to take care of myself quickly than see if my wife might want to join.

While in chastity, everything swings the opposite way. No masturbation keeps my mind from growing these fantasies and keeps me grounded. I will get worked up, but without the sexual release I have to just hold that sexual energy and it focuses on my wife with the outlook of being released for some "couple time in the bed". Plus when it has been a while, I am not thinking of any fantasy, only the fact that I see those keys and her in the bed at the same time. My focus is completely on her and enjoying the night.

I still look at porn, when in chastity, think of "what if" but know that it wouldn't happen. It allows me to see my reality much clearer, weigh the chances of a fantasy, with less confusion of Fantasy and Reality....

"I see clearly now the chastity is on". lol

Why I wear steel

 Stainless Steel or Plastic?

One thing you notice is the influx of information on devices and the types of materials used. Most all of us start with a cheap plastic device to find out if chastity is all that it is cracked up to be.

I tried many plastic devices trying to find one that would be comfortable to wear more than a few days without rubbing spots, and with real security. A little soap and water and I could slip right out and right back in. No fun in that for me.  I needed security that I couldn't escape from.

Thus came the idea of a PA. The PA would add the security I needed. So I got a 10ga PA, stretched it right away to a 8ga and over a few months worked to a 2ga. Once again, the plastic devices came out and I had no luck with them. Giving them all up I went for the "Gold Ring" of chastity with a Neosteel sports belt. It didn't have any PA attachment but was hoping for the security.

I found that with even the belt I could slip away from the side and get myself out and in. Yes, most would not try as much as I did, spending as much as I did. But, I needed full security. Just a bad "tick" I have, if I can get out, I will...... So luckily a friend couldn't wait to get his hands on the belt so the cost was covered. He didn't care about security as much as the "Look and Feel". So he was happy.

Then, a brainstorm, a stainless steel ball trap device, a hasp-lock through the device locking it all together. Thus the Looker 03 from Steelworxx.... I didn't want a tube design, feeling that it would be like the PA5000 and put pressure on the PA over time when I would get excited. Plus the fact that the ball trap design does keep your mind on it from time to time not like the tube designs.

With the Looker 03, I have the security I needed and wanted. The stainless and titanium are able to be left on for as long as "needed" with just over 103 days being the most I have been in without any release of one time, I knew that it was the device for me.

Usually now, it will be on for a few weeks at a time. With the way we are using the device right now, it works well. Could I go longer, if she was wanting me to? Oh yes, easily and would love to.

I wish that I could have found out about the stainless devices that are custom made earlier and hope that this might bring some thoughts to those getting into chastity or trying to find the right "one-fits-all" device.

SAVE YOUR MONEY>...... pick a good device that you like from a custom builder. Measure, measure again and one last time... Then you will find you will be much happier.

I live in Dallas Texas and picked the Steelworxx devices over the Mature Steel only because Mature Steel uses a basic lock that can be picked easily and the "security screw" well that bit set is bought at Harbor Freight for 2.00... Which I already had a set for my work. Being mechanical I have the tools and thoughts to get out of most devices. The locks on Steelworxx I have tried a few times to pick with no luch being such a different tumbler. So my search was complete, I relaxed and really knew... I got want I wanted.....

Now, If the wife shows more interest, I could be in......... :) GO STEEL AND YOU WILL NOT GO BACK :)

The joy of knowing.

There is such a joy and peace in knowing that I do not have access to my orgasm, when I am first locked up. The first week, I find myself so happy/excited that I don't have any control. It was such a normal night for me to get ready for bed, find a good blog and release myself. Once the device is on, that doesn't happen. I will get ready for bed, smile a bit, tap on the device and roll over for a night of sleep.

I do not really understand the reason I enjoy it so much because I am not really submissive by nature and I don't feel it as much as a submissive act as others. It is giving up control in any view, yes I agree and I am quite happy to give up that control to my wife. Even tho she doesn't look to take that control and use it in any way.

It does connect me a bit more with her, mainly because I can't be selfish and enjoy a quick orgasm without the need for her. After many years of marriage it was much easier for me to just get a "quickie" in the bathroom and crash for the night than fight the idea of getting the kids to bed, waiting up late to make sure they were asleep and then trying to get in the mood.

However, with the device, I am in the mood the whole time and look forward to that night where we stay up late and slip under the covers. So when I see ACCESS DENIED... I smile a bit....