Thursday, April 30, 2015
Masturbation / Marriage / Chastity
(Pulled from a fellow blogger with their permission"
""So when does masturbation become a problem in a marriage?
This is the one subject that most people want to know and that is where to draw the line on masturbation and how much self pleasure is too much.
The answer that I always give both men and women is that, if masturbation is taking away from the sexual relations in the marriage or causing difficulties when trying to make love to a spouse, then it has indeed become a problem in the marriage.
Masturbation should not take over or replace intercourse with a spouse unless there is a medical reason why sex is no longer possible in the marriage. Excessive masturbation will take away from the intimacy and the special bond between husband and wife and can cause a problem in the marriage.
Masturbation like any other form of sexual gratification if done over and over again with a man pleasing himself a certain way or a woman using a vibrator over and over again, can translate into problems in the bedroom.
These are usually the most common problems with excessive masturbation outside of the bedroom. The other problem is taking longer to have an orgasm for a man during intercourse with his wife if he is excessively masturbating. The solution is to minimize the masturbation and begin to find ways in the marriage to have a shared orgasm during love making or masturbate with each other. If this has become a problem and one is not able to stop it on their own then they may need to talk to a professional sex counselor or sex coach to help with some suggestions and tools to get the person back on track. Different exercises or devices can be suggested to aid with the minimization of masturbation. ""
This I found very interesting because the main personal reason I have always had with my interest in chastity was to "minimize" my masturbation habit and the effect it seems to have on my sex life with my wife.
When left to my own demise, I can masturbate on a average 2-3 times a day and up to 4-6 times, each day, every day. This becomes a major issue, my fantasies grow, my need for sexual intercourse drops, and my attention to my wife falls off. It is the easy way out, I can slip into the bathroom or go to bed early, a few minutes later, I have a release..... I have tied most of my sexual issues to my excessive masturbation. I would need "more" sexually because of the masturbation and request "more" in the bedroom that my wife was comfortable with, relating to my fantasies. This caused sexual friction with my wife and only made bedroom time more uncomfortable, turning me back to masturbation. A ugly cycle.....
I didn't go to a professional sex counselor, I found on a porn search day - years and years back - a story about a guy and a CB2000. Fast forward- 2015- Steelworxx Looker 03- and "I can see clearly now".
The issue was, I couldn't keep my hand out of my own pants, the chastity device does that for me, and yes, I had to go through so many to find one that I could wear with no issues and had the security I needed. If I could get out, I would and masturbate. Now, when I am in chastity, every vibrator or sexual device that I could use to achieve a orgasm is locked up, and I give her the keys.
In some ways I think 'I can't just not masturbate?? How sad is that??" Then I just remember back on the attempts I had trying to make it a few days without masturbating and failing... Luckily I reach down and feel the cage and know I have a "helping hand".
I do feel that excessive masturbation effected my marriage and it took way too long to find the solution that seems to be working for us now. With 20 years under our belt, I have 20 years to make it up to her. Chastity has many faces in my life but one of the larger ones is to stop my masturbation.