Friday, May 15, 2015

How I got to this point.

I always enjoy reading how couples have found their way to the interest they are exploring or living now. I think a lot of time it gives me hope for "more" and lets me appreciate what I have now. Everyone has a path that they follow to get where the are now, I was asked how I found my path....

I have been interested in the kinky lifestyle since I was very young, I found BDSM at a young age and loved the idea, trying the Dominate and submissive side. I have been told I am a natural Dominate and submissive. My heart always finds the submissive side. When I met my wife, I was 50/50 on what way I could go. I knew she was extremely vanilla and the lifestyle would be a challenge for her to accept.

I laid everything on the table before I ever asked her to marry me and she said she would "try". The road was rocky the first years of our marriage with the lifestyle interest. One of the main issues, I didn't have a clue what I really wanted. I would read something or see something on the net and think "OH that's what we should do". Then she would be uncomfortable and I would find "not as good as I thought". We would end up at square one again.

There was a point where she came to me and just asked to stop everything because it was "too much" I agreed because when it came down to it, I didn't know what I wanted and just kept dragging her though it all till I could find want I "needed-to be whole". Other than the lifestyle and my kinky interest our marriage has always been good.

That was around 2000.... in 2002 I found a article on the Miller CB2000 and thought.... "Male Chastity??" After picking one up, a few months of testing I knew it was the thing I needed and wanted all the time I had been searching. We sat down and discussed and she was open to the chastity since it didn't take much effort from her.

There were problems.... The device didn't fit well, I could pull out of it, it chafed and drove me crazy at night. The Curve, CB3000, and Birdlocked was tried over the next few years, trying to find a device that would work. My wife was getting a bit frustrated because I would think things were set and then either the device would have a issue or my body would, trying to deal with the device.

After great discussion in 2008 I ordered a Neosteel sports belt with the hopes to have complete security and be able to wear the belt longer than a few days at a time. The ability to wear the device was there, I could wear it a week with no problem. However, I was able to slip out the side when in the shower with soap and water. This destroyed the security I was hoping to have. Luckily a friend of mine was in love with the belt and almost the same measurements so the cost was not felt. I had all but given up and my wife was pretty much done again because of all the issues. We decided to take a break with the chastity idea.......

I decided a PA was the only way to go for security- after healing and stretching I ended up with a 2 Ga PA. The PA500 was attempted but I found that the plastic hook caused a lot of irritation. After, I was looking at the Mrs. Lori's tubes and found Steelworxx and Mature Metal. I worried about how much stimulation I would have with the Mrs. Lori's tube and pulling on the PA like the PA500 did.

I picked the Steelworxx Looker 03 because of the locking mech and the titanium PA hasp. The day it came in, I put it on and was able to wear it 2 weeks without removing it, with no body adjustment time. I was so excited, I found what I needed for security and able to wear as long as "needed".

So, I introduced the idea back to my wife, she was skeptical because of the issues before and being as vanilla as she was, I had to find ways to make it easy for her. Much of my post before explains the different ideas.

It seems the fit we have now is working well for her and myself. I am usually free about 7-10 days a month and locked the rest each month. Soon as it is that time of the month for her I go in my device and as post get the idea....

If I could give anyone advice on chastity play and just beginning with a vanilla wife...

* Not all people or devices are the same...
* Plan to use the generic devices (one size fits all) as a test
* You can escape from anything without a piercing to hold you in it
* There are no rules in chastity play
* There is no "right" or "wrong" in chastity play
* Take it slow and make it as easy as you can for her
* Less work for the keyholder the better
* Don't expect to get a lot of attention - "you wanted this"
* Realize if you stop and start on "your terms" then your wife might never a comfort zone
* Discuss what each of you feel comfortable with - not when your horny or worked up.

1 comment:

  1. First of all, I love this post. Hearing others experiences is always helpful and very informative. A little background: My husband, from the beginning did as you. Told me his kink right up front. We have amazing communication and have maintained it. I was skeptical at first. I learned later he was 90% vanilla to my 100%. We never really tried exploring. After a few years, he mentioned it again and at that point I was more into exploring a different form of intimacy with him. He suggested chastity. We bought a decice unknowing the differences and it was ok at first. Then the pinching and obvious incorrect fit came into play. The second he put it on, we both quickly realized, after much reading, exploring and talking that we were interested in taking an even bigger step. FLM. I am naturally submissive - the one who serves. He is naturally dominate. A total role reversal. I came from a very bad marriage of being controlled. This new role that he needed from me was almost unbelievable. We jumped in with both feet eager to find our ground. He has been incredible in letting me find that ground at my own pace. He gives me ideas, suggestions and places to research and it has been very helpful. I am getting to experience something totally out of my box. We are now in a place that I am more comfortable and ready to take the lead. Because of our ability to communicate so well, it has been a very good experience for us both. I continue to surprise us BOTH every day. We are in the rat race you were in -finding the "right" device. What a pain! We were both almost overwhelmed at the many different choices, sizes and other options. We were both surprised at how much I loved seeing him locked up. It was such an empowering feeling and coming from a person that has felt powerless most of my life, it was exilerating. Good luck on your journey.
    P.S. He said to me once, at the very beginning of our marriage, "what would you do if you weren't afraid?" I live by that now.